Posts Tagged ‘funny’

My man card

Posted: March 13, 2011 in Story
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

So yesterday I was told that my man card was being revoked by 2 separate people. This is all because I went to a Lady Gaga concert.

My wife and I bought 3 tickets to her concert one for my wife, one for me, and one for a friend. So my wife and her friend go out and buy special outfits just for this concert. The day of the concert my wife is puking and running a 101 degree temperature and her friends daughter just got out of the hospital. So now we have 3 tickets to this concert, a concert I didn’t even want to go to.

So I start calling everyone I know trying to find some people to go see Gaga with me. I find my step brother and my wides other friend. So we head out and drive to Louisville, KY.

We get there and I am amazed at the costumes that the people are wearing. It was cool, and something I didn’t really expect. I also didn’t expect to see protesting but they were there.

So we make it into the newly opened KFC Yum Center and find our seats. They weren’t close but not bad seats. The first band comes out on stage and I am a little confused the lead singer is wearing a leather jacket, leather chaps, and a leather thong. That was a little much for me. This band was called the Scissor Sisters and by the end of their set I figured out that I liked their music.

Then the girls behind us spilled a beer down one of my friends back. She turned around and told the girl she spilt the drink and the drunk girl decided tom argue and say she didn’t do it. Yet she was the only one drinking.

When Lady Gaga came out the place went nuts. I am not the biggest fan of her music but I have a lot more respect for her and her music now. She dances a lot and she does not lip sing.

I have seen a lot of different acts perform and I would say that this Lady Gaga Concert was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. I would say that it is in the top 3 concerts and I have seen bands like Metallica, Linkin Park, Manson, Snoop Dogg, Ozzy Ozbourne, Korn, and so on.

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So as I was telling you in the last post I turned 31 the other day. I received may presents from my wife. We went to dinner with my dad and step mom, and then some of our really great friends. Dinner was a blast just hanging out and talking.

Angela got me a new messenger bag to carry my stuff in, a new golf bag, golf glove, iTunes gift card and stuff to put in my bag. She loves to call my messenger bag a “purse”. It is not a purse it is a MESSENGER Bag. Indiana Jones carried one it was a satchel.

Ok now let us get back on topic. Dinner was at Red Lobster for the all you can eat shrimp. I got my moneys worth, I ate 5 orders of shrimp scampi, and one order of grilled garlic shrimp. It was good, not as good as fresh shrimp but still good.

Saturday we got up, got showered and dressed, then we headed off for St. Louis to the Fox Theatre to see Shrek the Musical. It was fun, the make-up was amazing and we had good seats. I love the Fox

Theatre with all of the woodwork and statues. It has that classic feel that is amazing. That is the 6th or 7th time we have been there.

When we the Play was over I was in contact with Rickie, my friend who was looking after the animals while we were out, he said that the dog doesn’t like him and was scared and pooped all over the place. So instead of going out to dinner which was our original plan we decided it was best to head home to access the situation.

When we got home we had to do some light house cleaning, wash the couch cushion covers, and give the dog a bath. She was better when we got home she calmed down and laid in her bed. She had a rough day.

Sunday we were supposed to go to a Family Reunion for Angela’s family but we didn’t. Angela didn’t feel well and the house was in some dire need of some TLC. So we spent a couple of hours getting some cleaning done. Then to the grocery (where we spent way to much money).

When we got home Angela made some of her nearly Famous Veggie Soup. It was really, really good. Then we tried to watch “Old Dogs”, it wasn’t good.

As a Birthday Weekend I would have to say it was the BEST one yet. Might not sound all that great to you but I loved every minute of it.

Tomorrow I am taking my niece and nephew to Holiday World f0r their first ever trip. This makes me think back to when I was younger and my first trips their but it wasn’t Holiday World at that time. It was still known by Santa Clause Land.

I can still remember riding the Firecracker, it was a little steel coaster that felt as if it would fall of the track at every corner. I loved that coaster and when they removed it I was sad.

I remember sitting on Santa’s lap. I remember telling him what I wanted for Christmas. I would do it tomorrow if my wife would let me.

I also remember that everytime we would go I would have to get a bull whip from the toy store that is now the Banquet Center. I would keep that thing for months thinking I was Indiana Jones.

Holiday World has come so far since I was a child. A lot of the rides I loved as a child are gone or reworked. The banshee has been replaced by the Hallow Swings, the Louis and Clark cars track has been shortened.

Like they say, you must change to improve. I am happy that Holiday World is growing.

I am so excited about our next trip and seeing my niece and nephew faces when they ride the rides and the slides.

On one of those previously mentioned college visit trips (Click Here) my friend Steve and I drove my mom’s van up there. It was fun I always seemed to have fun with Steve. So we drive up there probably bumping some old school rap. That was the music of choice in High School.

So we get there and we do the lovely tour, this was the third tour for us. There was nothing fun or interesting that happened there. So after we are done there we decide to head to Mt. Carmel which is not to far away from Vincennes if you don’t get lost. We got lost we are driving around and miss are exit. Problem was we never saw are exit. So we kept driving down this highway.

Finally we enter in to this small town, that we are looking for a gas station or anything to get directions when we see a cop. So we drive around the block and pull up next to the cop. I rolled down my window and ask him for directions.

He rolls down his window and yells that I am obstructing his radar. Let it be known that I was the only vehicle on this road. So explain that I am lost and he doesn’t really seem to care, but he gives me directions and we are on our way to Mt. Carmel.

When we arrive in Mt. Carmel we stop by and see my uncle at work, at this time I didn’t know that my aunt and uncle were having problems. We chat with him for a while and find out that my aunt is at home. I decide that we are going to stop by and see her, Steve is ok with it.

So we drive to my aunt’s house, when we arrive Steve and I go up to the door. We knock and no one answers.

We are like ok, so we get back in the van and head to get some lunch. Our original reason for going to Mt. Carmel was that there school had open campus. Open campus is where the students are allowed to leave school property and get lunch elsewhere, whether it be at home or a restaurant.

So we head to a pizza place not only for pizza but high school girls. Problem since we got lost by the time we got to Mt. Carmel lunch was over.

Now you might be thinking what is funny or interesting about this story. Well when I got home my mom is mad, real MAD. I say, “What is wrong, what did I do?”

“Your aunt called, you know what she said”

“No, we went by her house but she wasn’t home”

“Really she says she didn’t answer the door because you 7 guys with you and that you were driving so crazy that the van was on 2 wheels”

I am like, “What? It was me and Steve and no one else.” I have a confused look on my face.

“That is what she said, how can you explain it”

I said, “There is nothing to explain, I didn’t do that.”

“Well this is your aunt ******, she has been known to stretch the truth.”

I say, “Stretch the truth, that is a flat-out lie”

Mom knows when I am lying, I don’t know how or why but I can’t lie to my mom’s face. For some reason I just start laughing. I didn’t do it and didn’t get into any trouble for this. I just think it is funny.

When I was going to college I had a 1991 blue Mazda RX-7, similar to the one on the left. Now I loved this car and if it wouldn’t have broken down I would still be driving it. One day I was driving home from college and was 4 blocks away from home, when I got pulled over by a cop.

He comes up to the car and says, “License and registration.”

I say, “ok” I get it all ready and hand it to him.

He walks back to his car and looks me up. I have nothing on my record and he returns. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

I reply, “speeding”

“No”

“Running that red light”

“No”

“Passing that person in the left turn only lane”

“No”

“Music was too loud”

“No”

“I’m sorry officer but I have no clue why you pulled me over”

He says, “Well I pulled you over because you don’t have any headlights on.”

“Really”

“Yeah, but since you were so honest with me, I am going to let you go with a verbal warning.”

I said, “Thanks officer” as I reach down and turn on my headlights.

He hands me pack my paperwork and says, “Have a good night.”

“You too”

He walks back to his car and pull away from the curb.

When I was 14 years old my aunt’s ex husband and I would go for rides and he would let me holler at people out of the car. I used to love to holler at kids who were riding bikes, I would yell “Hey kid I am going to steal your bike.” I never had any intentions of doing this I was just a punk kid who hadn’t grew up yet.

This one time we were going down the street and I saw this kid riding his bike. So I screamed, “I am going to steal your bike” but then my uncle at the time went one step to far and started chasing the kid. The kid went through and alley and my uncle followed him. The kid pulled over and my uncle drove past him. We thought it was funny, it wasn’t.

We got back to my house and went in for awhile then my mom asked if we could go to the grocery and grab something. She gave me the money and we went out. We got into the car and this cop stops and let’s us out in front of him. So we pull out and proceed toward the grocery.

Then the lights come on and we get pulled over, it seems the kid wasn’t dumb he got the license plate number and called the cops. The cop comes up to the car and ask for IDs. My uncle gives him his license and I give my high school ID, that is all I had. The cop looks at them and ask if we yelled at some kid.

My uncle says that he doesn’t know what the cop is talking about. The cop looks at me and I fess up I tell him the whole story. The way I was raised is not to lie. The cop tells me that we could get taken downtown for attemped theft and I am scared. I don’t want to go to jail. He let’s us go after talking to my uncle and asking him why he lied.

When we get home my mom is on me, asking what we did and asking if I am ever going to do it again. I never did it again. I am not mad at the kid and never have been, he did the right thing and that is something he should be proud of. I knew what the right thing to do was and I didn’t do it until the cops stop us.

I realize the more I type these stories that I sound like a bad kid, I wasn’t bad I was really dumb. I have learned from all of these stories, I made mistakes I have learned from them. If I could I would apologize to that kid today, if I only knew who he was.

When I was a senior in High School we would take off from school and go to visit colleges. There was one in particular we would always visit. It was Vincennes University.

We would all meet up and we would drive up there and take the tour, we took that tour 3 times. You were supposed to have a parent call in or send in a note. I forgot one time and ended up in In-school suspension. That is where they stick you in this little room and you can’t see any of your friends or go to you classes or anything. You have to do all your work in that room.

While in In-School if you are good you will get all of your work done during the first period and at my school you had 7 periods not including lunch. I had In-school for 2 days for my supposed skipping and I got all of the work for both days done in the first period. So now I am stuck trying to fill the rest of my time in there looking busy. It is harder trying to look busy than it is just to do the work. If you fell asleep they wake you.

There was this one guy who supervised In-School he was a dick, excuse my language but that is the only word I can use to describe him. I fell asleep and he woke me up. “There will be no sleeping in here. You need to do your work.”

“I have finished my work”

“Well then maybe you should read ahead”

“OK”

So I would sit there trying to look like I was reading a text-book, because you weren’t allowed to read an enjoyable book. I would doze off. I couldn’t help it.

We would have the same conversation, which would result in me doing the same thing again. The third time I fell asleep he walked back to my desk and pulled my chair out from underneath me. That could have cost him his job, but I never said anything.

After yanking my chair he said, “Now you can spend the rest of the day standing.”

Which I replied, “That is ok, I can sleep like this too.”

He didn’t like this and stomped back up to his desk. Luckily I had a teacher who would send down a note and say that I could only do the work for his class in his class. So I got to leave In-School suspension for the last 3 periods of the day.